Friday, October 16, 2009

create or edit ring

create or edit ring: " "

Insecurity might be my "Achilles Heel"

Have you ever tried to do your best. I mean really tried with all your might just to wonder what effect it is having? There seems to be very little difference, little visible change. After years of working this hard you start to wonder if you still have a gift from God or if you are just tredding water because you used to be a world class swimmer. Lately I have struggled with many decissions in my ministry. I have to constantly remibd myslef that I work for the father, for His pleasure and His will. BUT, this fact gets lost in the midst of what appears on the surface to be dismal failures. Failures that are small but loom big in my mind. Of course, one question does arrise, how do I know they are failures? What am I using as a measurement of success? I think it comes down to numbers. I know that the number of teens that choose to participate in the offerings of our ministry is not important. We are supposed to be mostly concerned with the depth of their spiritual connection to God. BUt how can we hel them along this path if they are not here. And how can I express the lasting eternal implications of a strong and growing relstionship with Chrost to the parents. It seems that parents want their children to have this life long spiritual connection yet they are willing to model personally and sometimes force their children to place these in last place. I feel as though I am failing at reaching this generation of teens and parents. I struggle to get teens to come on a regular basis which makes accounatbility and biblical instruction virutally impossible.

And then there is another issue that weighs heavy on my mind. It's my family's needs. I have found that as my children get older they need me to be home more. I just can't be gone 70+ hours a week anymore. I belive that scripture tells me that my family is to come first before my ministry to the church. How it would kill me if I was to ever fail at that. So how do I balance the needs of a ministry that has me feeling like I am failing, and the increasing needs of my family?

Is god calling me to change the way I minister to teens? Is he calling me to a different type of ministry all together? Is he calling me to increase my efforts with the church? Is he calling me to increase the efforts with my family? I just don't know and Ifind myself in this thought often lately. I trust my God to show me what to do next, but there is a fear in me about the next step.

If you find that you battle with many of these interanl struggles you can take comfort in what God says. "Jeremiah 29:11For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

So how do I know what the next step is? I do as Job 33:33 says, "But if not, then listen to me; be silent, and I will teach you wisdom."

My next step is to be silent and wait to hear my next set of orders what ever they may be. (Most of me wants the orders to be "STAND YOUR GROUND")